Inside My Journal
5 Ways to Be a Conscious Parent
When you look around, in your home or around you, what do you see? I know that I see a lot of anxious kids. I see parents who are worried, really busy and stressed out.
What if I told you that there is another way to do this parenting thing?
Perhaps you've heard of Conscious Parenting? Dr. Shefali Tsabary is probably the most well-known speaker and teacher about conscious parenting, having authored The Conscious Parent book.
She didn't invent it, but she and Oprah certainly did elevate it i…
Where Parents Get It Wrong When Teaching Empathy to Kids (and What Actually Works)
How do kids learn empathy?
I see a lot of parents of young children trying to teach empathy or teach kids to be empathetic by the parent telling their child how their child's behavior impacts them (the parent):
"When you said that, it hurt"
"That hurt my feelings"
"I'm sad that you did that"
"Don't speak to me that way, that's hurtful"
"What you said was mean and unacceptable"
I see how we could get to thinking that this would work. But it won't.
That's not teaching empathy. That's teaching them that th…
Applying "Relationship First" to Parenting
How To Connect When Your Teen Is Focused on Their Phone
When My Kids Were Little, They Talked To Me
Sure I got the standard, “Fine” when I asked, “How was school?” or “Nothing,” when I asked what they did, but as we did activities together or as I snuggled them at night, they’d tell me things. Things they did and things they wanted, silly things and meaningful things.
As they’ve become teenagers, those conversations have started to dry up a little. As I see less of them, I notice my desire to reconnect at the end of the school day. I work from ho…
Self-Love is a Way of Being, Not Another Thing To Do
It's so easy to neglect self-care because we have too much to do. We KNOW that if we were to take care of ourselves, everything else would be easier and better, but we just can't do it (for a myriad of reasons hidden behind "I don't have the time"). Nevertheless, I recommend we look at it differently.
What if Self-Love is more of how we "be" in the world and the tiny little choices we make all day, rather than "another thing to do on your list?"
What if it's the way we act all day long - can …
The Void Left When My Son Went To College
The house feels different, dinners feel different. It’s not exactly a “missing him” feeling. It’s more like something feels off.
It feels right in many ways. The 18 years of nurturing and preparing, his launch into the world is predictable, bittersweet. It’s developmentally spot on. It’s that time. It’s a pretty “normal thing to do.”
That he’s happy and adjusting well makes it easier, but the absence is ever present. It’s palpable. The way that his absence has left a void, an emptiness. Not…
Afraid of Being Seen as Lazy?
I know (many) moms who secretly wish they would get sick or end up in the hospital just so they could feel justified in resting, sleeping and doing nothing!
When you think about slowing down or resting do you immediately think "lazy?"
Do you relax and then feel guilty for doing nothing? Does your tough inner critic tell you to stop being lazy? Or question whether you deserve to rest when there are so many things that need to be done?
Here's the thing - this guilt and self-talk puts more pres…
Is Being Busy a Way To Avoid Living Intentionally?
It seems like there's a lot more to do these days – more email to check, more Jones' to keep up with, more events to attend, more activities to schedule.
But also, like being busy is something to be proud of.
And if you're not busy, people think there must be something wrong with you.
And yet, I think there's something more to this.
Have we decided that we're only valuable if we're busy and productive?
Maybe it doesn’t even matter WHAT we're doing, as long as we're always doin…
Do You Think of Yourself as Spiritual?
Let's talk spirituality and how it connects to YOU and the world.
Is spirituality the same as religion?
I notice there are some who have a pretty strong emotional reaction to the word spirituality because they associate it with organized religion. Many people have a positive response. Many people have a negative response. While “religion” is certainly one way to define spirituality, it feels a bit limiting to me.
I notice others who respond strongly because they hear spirituality as…
Advice for Chronic Worriers
By default, if you’re a parent, you worry.
We know in our minds that worrying doesn't help, but that doesn't seem to stop us.
You know how it goes: something happens (your kids are on their iPhones too much) and you tell yourself a story (this is going to be a problem) and then you feel afraid for the future. You go into fear. You play out the possibilities and by the time you're done, you've become the creator of an elaborate story about how their lives are going to be ruined because of t…
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- From Deb's Journal (4)
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