Balancing Feminine and Masculine Energy into Wholeness
“The masculine is sovereignty, the crown upon your soul. Femininity is humility and unconditional love, the heart within the breast of your soul and together they make the whole soul essence.” St. Germain, Twin Souls & Soulmates
In 2013, I decided to consciously set my intention to deepen my connection to the people in my life. I wanted to more deeply connect with my family and friends, but also I wanted to more easily connect with people who enter my life for even just a moment. I'd spent many years disconnected from my deepest and highest self - and from my emotional self.
The more disconnected we are from ourselves, the more superficial our relationships tend to be. My work in deepening my relationship with myself and Source over the years has given me the capacity to increase the depth of my relationships.
For years I've been healing my emotional wounds, liberating myself from my conditioning and false beliefs, and learning how to be more conscious in my life.
When I began my healing and liberation process, my heart was so closed and I was completely in my mind. I was numb, depressed, detached, restless, and bored. I had virtually no access to my feelings and was just on auto-pilot and auto-parent.
For better or for worse, I was programmed to be highly productive, very responsible, and to do “the right thing.” What that meant was that I looked like I was highly functioning and that I had my shit together. But inside, I was falling apart.
I was so confused – I had everything I could have ever wanted in my life and more – awesome children, a kind and committed husband, a beautiful home in one of the most amazing places on our earth, etc. etc. But I was just not happy. No, I was pretty miserable. I felt profound aloneness. I sunk lower and lost complete touch with who I was. It was a painful and lonely time in my life. At that time, I believed that it was my marriage that was the problem – if that was better, I would be happier and my life would be better (it took me a couple of years to figure out that it was MY disconnect from ME that was the source of my pain). I spiraled to my deepest and darkest times of my life.
“In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer.” Albert Camus
Slowly, I circled back up that spiral from darkness to light, from thinking to feeling, from fear to love. Fortunately, I was guided along this journey and, despite it being grueling, hard, and painful at times, I've found my way to a beautiful and peaceful place in my life. I no longer feel alone. I feel connected to myself and my feelings. I've brought loving and insightful teachers, therapists, healers, friends, coaches, mentors, authors, and speakers into my life to help me to heal and grow and blossom. To all of those who have been on my journey with me, I am deeply grateful. Without them and their love and light and wisdom, I would not be who I am today. Namaste.
Of course, I'm not trying to paint a picture of butterflies and rainbows in my life. I'm still a human navigating difficult circumstances, new levels of healing, painful situations, challenging relationships, and all the other messy human things. The difference is that now I feel like I'm the leader of my life and have the inner safety, strength, and confidence to navigate these situations while remaining connected to myself, while feeling my feelings, and while honoring the others around me.
There was a point where I noticed I was craving deeper, more emotionally rich connections with people. I had many wonderful friends and loving family, but I sensed there is something that was keeping me from connecting as deeply as I craved. I longed for connection with a tender and open heart, with vulnerability and humility, yet still expressing my power and strength.
I WANTED TO LOVE FIERCELY AND CONNECT WITH PASSION.
As with many people in the Western world, my masculine side (doing, producing, power, adding value, thinking, being right, being busy, etc.) was over-developed. I started to develop that side of me when I was a child and it was reinforced as I got older. I received validation that it was “better that way” as I entered my corporate job, married my husband, and raised my children.
I have a very strong feminine nurturing side to me and I'm a very compassionate person, but as far as how I was showing up in the world…my masculine side was dominant. I had a hunch that this was interfering with my ability to form deep connections. It certainly interfered with my ability to receive love, and probably to give love. I wanted to experience what it would be like to connect at this new level.
SO, I BEGAN THIS JOURNEY.
I began to get to know my inner feminine goddess (just writing that makes me laugh…goddess? me? I’m more like Zena the Warrior, but I did it…I tried it on). What I discovered was unconditional love, tenderness, intuition, flowing with universal energy, inner guidance, and deep connection to myself and others.
I slowly softened my heart. Embraced more of the less than perfect, messy aspects of myself––seeing that some of that flow added to my life and the life of others.
I loosened my grip on life. Practicing allowing rather than controlling (a very hard one for me that I still work on).
I'm not gonna deny that this did and continues to evoke resistance and a lot of questions inside of me––is it safe to reveal these parts of me? how do I set boundaries so I am not overwhelmed? do I even need boundaries? am I just a more masculine kind of woman? how do I break the habits that get in the way of deep connection? can I do it? will people like me? where do I belong? do I belong? am I worthy of another’s love and deep connection? what if I am just not capable of connecting deeply? what then? should I just stay the way I am and just accept it? what will people think when they know that while I look like I have it all together on the outside, I don't always feel that way on the inside? will they judge me as inferior? will they struggle to relate? am I the only one who feels this way?
Ok, that’s enough. The resistance (my ego) is there––for me and everyone––but I do it anyway. One of the most important things we can do is increase our tolerance for discomfort and be willing to do things even when they are uncomfortable.
So I, gently and slowly, began to listen to my inner guidance, explore my feelings and inner territory to learn more about the parts of me that I exiled and left behind…the parts of me that I have disregarded in favor of “success” and “keeping it together” and “getting things done” and “conforming” and “surviving.”
“It is astonishing how little one feels alone when one loves.” John Bulwer
What I believe in the depth of my soul is that what we're all called to do is to walk home to ourselves - to come into wholeness. To reclaim all parts of ourselves and become integrated into the emotionally and spiritually whole and mature woman we're here to be.
There are many aspects of wholeness to consider, but bringing balance to the feminine and masculine energies within us can be a great place to start. Take a look below and do a little inner inventory to see where you stand. For me, it's still a journey, but I'm more balanced than ever.
Coming into wholeness and disrupting old patterns in our life can be scary. We all have a powerful drive toward self-preservation (identity preservation) and self-protection (stay safe, comfortable, and alive). Those ego defense mechanisms and that drive are loud and persistent. And they tell us that change is bad. "Stay safe and keep the status quo." The work is in facing that, working through it, and finding our way to another way to do life––from our truth and from inner safety and strength––and that's what I teach in The Whole Soul Way™.
- Authenticity (18)
- Change the World (11)
- Communications (5)
- Conscious Living (30)
- Empowerment (20)
- From Deb's Journal (4)
- Inner Work (28)
- Leadership (5)
- Mindfulness (14)
- Parenting (13)
- Relationships (14)
- Self-Love (28)
- Shadow Integration (5)
- Videos (4)
- Worthiness (9)
- Aging (1)
- Nervous System Regulation (1)
- Parent with Dementia (1)
- Parent Yourself (1)