Inside My Journal
The Void Left When My Son Went To College
The house feels different, dinners feel different. It’s not exactly a “missing him” feeling. It’s more like something feels off.
It feels right in many ways. The 18 years of nurturing and preparing, his launch into the world is predictable, bittersweet. It’s developmentally spot on. It’s that time. It’s a pretty “normal thing to do.”
That he’s happy and adjusting well makes it easier, but the absence is ever present. It’s palpable. The way that his absence has left a void, an emptiness. Not…
Rage, Who Are You?
A poem from my journal on June 14, 2018
I am the voice that screams from within
Aching to be heard, not to be dimmed
I see the pain that was told to hide
Longing for a voice, rumbling inside
I tried to stop him from hurting you
But fear wouldn't allow me to
I'm the tiger that roars a ferocious "no"
Clawing and growling, stop, please go!
I'm the mama bear who protects her young
Staying close and alert, so no harm can be done
In the face of violation, I was born
But I was n…
Happy Mother's Day to My Mom
In memory of my mom who died on May 2, 2021.
At the very end of my mom's life, my dad and I slept in her room with her. One night I slept at the top of her bed so I could hold her hand and be close to her. The night before that, I sat up watching her and wrote this.
My biggest cheerleader
Always supporting me
"You can do anything," you said
Never doubting anything I wanted to do
Believing in me more than I did myself
You listened and supported
Guided and sacrifice…
When Mindfulness Feels Too Hard
:: Context - I broke my Greater Trochanter / Upper Femur in a skiing accident 12 days before I wrote this ::
Lying in bed last night I got caught in the swirl of thought and fear: I can't handle it anymore. How can I do this for months? Will I ever fully recover? Can I handle the rehab? How much longer do I have to sleep in this position? Will I ever get a good nights' sleep again? I felt trapped and hopeless.
Somehow, even while lying mostly still, I found myself writhing.
In the dark of the nig…
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