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Happiness Recipe: Less Positivity and More Shadow Integration
We've all heard that we can choose happiness, be positive, and recite positive affirmations and that will make us happier.
My experience says that this isn't enough.
I’m not actually down on positivity. I grew up with a super positive mom and in so many ways it served me well. I like that for the most part I find it easy to be positive, happy, smiley, and optimistic (even when I am not feeling it inside).
I thank my mom for that ability.
When we focus only on our positive traits and have an…
5 Pillars of Gentle Shadow Integration
As we do shadow integration work, it's so easy to get stuck when we come upon aspects of self and humanity that can be tough to accept. Sometimes shadow integration can be pretty hardcore, but I invite people to take a more gentle approach to the integration of our shadow, one based in self-love and compassion.
Here are the 5 Pillars of Gentle Shadow Integration:
Pillar 1: Self-Compassion
I like to think of it like this - how can I blame myself for what my ego did to protect me? How can I bl…
A Better Way to Deal with Your Pesky Ego (Rather Than Trying to Get Rid of It)
Our ego is our protector.
Stop Being So Hard On Yourself
We have connected relationships, thriving families and awesome lives because we love and accept ourselves, not the other way around.
But, when I get started with my clients and they come around to believing that to get what they want, they need to love and accept themselves, they ask me…”okay….so….how do I do that?”
To be completely honest, it's not a "three steps" or "21 day challenge" kind of a thing. It's more like a journey.
So, let's set our GPS to the intersection of self-acceptance ave…
Shadow Integration 101: Projections
DO YOU KNOW WHAT "PROJECTION" IS?
It's when people place their own negative traits, emotions, flaws or impulses onto another in order to not have to face it in themselves.
This can actually happen with positive attributes too
Basic gist - "you spot it, you've got it" or when you point one finger at another, three fingers point back at you ;)
This is why, when we judge another, it says more about us than it does about the other person.
And this is always an exiled, orphaned or disowned p…
Love Ourselves: Let's Replace Love with Include
It's so hard to "love" parts of ourselves that we've spent our lives trying to "not be".
But what if it was less personal and more, neutral.
Like a thing we have to do in order to get to the fulfillment, inner peace and connection that we all want? Maybe the word "love" trips us up and the better word is "include."
Can you INCLUDE all aspects of yourself? Even those parts of you that you try hard not to be?
This is the journey of being inclusive - to integrate all parts of ourselves into w…
Self-Love is a Way of Being, Not Another Thing To Do
It's so easy to neglect self-care because we have too much to do. We KNOW that if we were to take care of ourselves, everything else would be easier and better, but we just can't do it (for a myriad of reasons hidden behind "I don't have the time"). Nevertheless, I recommend we look at it differently.
What if Self-Love is more of how we "be" in the world and the tiny little choices we make all day, rather than "another thing to do on your list?"
What if it's the way we act all day long - can …
The Void Left When My Son Went To College
The house feels different, dinners feel different. It’s not exactly a “missing him” feeling. It’s more like something feels off.
It feels right in many ways. The 18 years of nurturing and preparing, his launch into the world is predictable, bittersweet. It’s developmentally spot on. It’s that time. It’s a pretty “normal thing to do.”
That he’s happy and adjusting well makes it easier, but the absence is ever present. It’s palpable. The way that his absence has left a void, an emptiness. Not…
If You're Blaming Him For Your Unhappiness, You're Not Ready to Leave
Note: This message isn’t for anyone in an abusive or toxic marriage. Your safety and health are most important.
In 2010, my marriage was falling apart.
It totally seemed easier to give up.
The idea of focusing on making our marriage better seemed daunting and, sad to say … hopeless. In my mind, I created a fantasy life where I lived with my kids in a cute apartment living a “free” life. I tapped into this fantasy whenever things were particularly crappy and I needed to feel a sense of contr…
Rage, Who Are You?
A poem from my journal on June 14, 2018
I am the voice that screams from within
Aching to be heard, not to be dimmed
I see the pain that was told to hide
Longing for a voice, rumbling inside
I tried to stop him from hurting you
But fear wouldn't allow me to
I'm the tiger that roars a ferocious "no"
Clawing and growling, stop, please go!
I'm the mama bear who protects her young
Staying close and alert, so no harm can be done
In the face of violation, I was born
But I was n…
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